Art by Artists Affected by Suicide
Steph Maiden, Guest Writer
I had the pleasure of attending the Unspoken : Survivor Stories at the Eye Lounge in Phoenix, AZ. The exhibition featured work by artists who had been affected by suicide.
Before attending the exhibition, I spoke with Your Art Your Story co-founder, Kristel Nielsen. As soon as I walked in, I recognized the Community Dove project, just as she had described over the phone. It was at the entrance of the exhibit and knocked the wind out of me.
Suicide loss survivors add their fingerprints to the dove in paint colors that symbolically represent the way they have been affected by suicide.
I spent a good amount of time speaking with Tess Mosko Scherer, the curator of the exhibition, around the impact that this particular piece had on me. As someone who has experienced loss by suicide twice in my life now, it was deeply moving to see how many other people were in a similar situation. The purple fingerprints instantly stood out to me. Tess explained for each person who dies by suicide approximately 150 people are impacted by that person’s death. I instantly started to think of all of the people that were impacted in some way by the death of my uncle and the death of my friend. I thought about how many prints would truly be on there if all 150 people had put their marks down individually. I also thought about how many people don't talk about the loss they have experienced from suicide. This piece has so many prints on it already and I cant help but wonder how many more would be on there if everyone that was impacted by suicide loss had put their print on this as well. The weight of this hit me pretty hard and instantly made me feel understood and accepted.
When you are dealing with this type of grief it is hard to remember that others are dealing with similar things. It is also incredibly hard to talk about loss by suicide. Putting my print on this piece was harder than I thought it may be. It forced me to acknowledge again that this loss had occurred and it stirred up the deep sense of loss that I had tried previously to shove deep down but in a positive “you are not alone” type of light this time. I was at this piece alone for a very long time. Tess is so engaging and made the conversation really open me up to what I would continue to experience throughout this inspiring exhibit.
As I moved through the exhibit Mary Weingarten’s repurposed flowers stood out instantly. The blue felt familiar to me. A beautiful color that can have a deeper meaning. The fact that this piece was made partially out of plastic bottles blew my mind. It signified to me that out of a deeply traumatic event you can still create beauty out of everyday moments. The blue, to me, signified being happy but never forgetting the deep loss that I have experienced.
Turquoise flowers by Mary Weingarten. To learn more about Mary and her process for making flowers from recycled materials, click here.
Seeing the “doodles” by Kristel on how she experienced loss was deeply impactful to me as well. It's alarming how normal we can make things that aren't actually normal while grieving. Compartmentalizing feelings and acting like you are okay around others, then your car being a “grief mobile” is exactly what I experienced for a very long time. The safety of being alone in my grief directly after loss now appears alarming to me.
Grief Mobile is part of a series of “Grief Doodles” by Your Art Your Story co-founder Kristel Nielsen.
“The Agony of Self Doubt” resonated immensely with me. When my friend passed away from suicide I constantly asked myself what I could have done differently to prevent her death. So many questions swirled through my head and, admittedly, still do 2 years later. Questioning yourself to try and understand “why” is deeply challenging when you know ultimately you will never get an answer. Kristel displayed that perfectly.
The Agony of Self Doubt by Kristel Nielsen
Kaitlyn Griffiths oil pastel painting made me feel a sense of peace that I do not regularly experience post loss. I have found that being in nature itself has a healing component. Watching a sunset can remind you how beautiful the world is, despite what you are feeling. It can also remind you how incredibly precious life is.
Pontchartrain Clearing, oil pastel by Kaitlyn Griffiths
Along those same lines of calming, I found the dot art pieces by Dana Krieger to be very satisfying and calming due to the symmetry and simplicity.
Dot paintings by Dana Kreiger come to life when viewed through 3D glasses, shown bottom right.
It’s hard to enter the exhibit and not instantly walk over to the “Daddy’s Girl” and “Altar Boy” created by Sedona artist Cecily Fazekas. They are central to the room. As I have two young children, these hit a part of my heart that caused such a feeling of empathy and sadness. Overtly and from far away these seem like “normal” and happy children until you can really see what is happening deep down (or behind closed doors).
Altar Boy and Daddy’s Girl are vintage mannequins collaged by Sedona artist Cecily Fazekas.
I remember reading a book recently where the author speaks on his experience with sexual abuse as a child. The pure shame that he expressed feeling and fear that others may find out about the abuse was very hard to read, but made me realize that this issue is so much more prevalent than anyone wants to acknowledge. These were integral pieces in this gallery and seeing them opened my mind up to something that I tried to shut out solely from a fear of being too uncomfortable.
Sarah Tully’s “Ms.Sassypants” was the break that I needed emotionally to continue processing the deep experience I was having in the exhibit. As a floral lover I thought it was beautiful and fun.
Along those same lines, Adela Tejeda’s “what your seeing and what your reading is not whats happening” collage also helped me to take my mind off in another direction. I love when art can cause people to question things around them. This piece did a great job of expressing that.
I was amazed at how intricately someone can create art that is so beautiful with just an ink pen. Sarah Tully and her many pieces in the exhibit showcased a level of talent that I have yet to see done with only ink pens. Her piece titled “Parantua” brought tears to my eyes. My friend who died by suicide had an uncanny resemblance to woman in this drawing (bottom right).
The two pieces in this exhibit that caused me the most emotional insight were Kurt Von Behrmann’s “Slender” and Liana Borth’s “My Story.” The details that were provided in the description of these paintings has stayed with me for days after seeing the exhibit. After leaving the exhibit, I recalled these descriptions over and over in my head. They were highly impactful to me.
My Story by Liana Borth
Liana described the painting as being her way of coping with never being able to see her brother again, and I felt it. When Kurt described the different intricacies of grief, sadness and how they attempt to all resonate at once, I felt it. Everyone in this exhibition has a “story” and everyone has a “slender man.”
In “Slender” by Kurt Van Behrmann, the central subject is flanked by two figures wrapped in cloth. The two figures represent the dual nature of bipolar disorder. The Slender man represents the horrors of the mind and the fear that they can drive one to madness, even suicide.
The piece that tied this exhibit all together was Karen Nielsen’s watercolor painting “You Are Not Alone.” Looking at this painting of colorful figures standing side by side reminded me of the Dove that I had so deeply connected with when I first entered the Eye Lounge gallery. So many people share this loss. It is so easy when you are experiencing this deep grief to shut out the world and feel utterly alone. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that others are sharing in similar grief. Luckily, organizations like Your Art Your Story can bring us together in an attempt to help us all heal.
You Are Not Alone by Karen Nielsen
It was such an honor to get to see this exhibit in person. The conversation I had with Tess was very impactful and I truly think that I am a better version of myself after seeing these creations. I want to thank all the artists for having the courage to put themselves out there in this manner. I felt the emotion in every piece in this gallery and every single piece in the exhibit was beautiful and meaningful.
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Exhibition Partners
Your Art Your Story is a 501 (c) 3 non-profit organization dedicated to research, advocacy and education services for families experiencing suicide loss or suicide attempt. https://www.yourartyourstory.org/
Arizona Artists Guild is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization, founded in 1928, led by volunteers dedicated to providing and promoting opportunities in the visual arts through exhibitions, education, and outreach programs. http://www.arizonaartistsguild.net/
Arizona Art Alliance is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization founded in 2000 for the building and expansion of arts community and Community Outreach. https://azartalliance.com/
Eye Lounge is a collective, artist-run, contemporary art space committed to fostering emerging and established visual artists in downtown Phoenix. https://www.eyelounge.com/
About the author: Steph Maiden is a mom, wife and survivor. Steph truly understands the deep ripples that suicide leaves in the lives of others first hand after experiencing the loss of loved one by suicide as a teenager. She is dedicated to helping others cope with traumatic life events and find ways to move forward. Steph hopes that her two young children can grow up in a world that is open to discussing mental health issues in a productive and non-judgmental manner.